Sober
by Belle A Lestrange
Summary: Episode 23. Shizuma has to break Nagisa's heart for the sake of Miyuki and Miator actual episode in here I do not own anything from Straberry Panic! Song "Sober" from P!nk. girlxgirl. Sucky Summary. Read and Review! SEQUEL: i cant hate you anymore


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**Sober**

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**

Nagisa wondered into the greenhouse her heart throbbing with dread. In the far off distance Tamao's voice could be heard calling "Nagisa-chan? Where are you Nagisa-chan?"

There in front of her was her angel, the woman she loved with all her heart. Shizuma turned to face her once she sensed another presence in the green house. Nagisa barely found her voice enough to utter, "Etoilé-sama"

"Nagisa" Shizuma's voice came out barely a whisper.

Nagisa ran closer towards the platform "Shizuma-sama"

"Try your best"

Nagisa wasn't sure she'd heard right. The last time she checked Shizuma didn't want Nagisa anywhere near Tamao. "Eh?"

"You're entering the Etoilé election, right?"

Nagisa vigorously shook her head "NO! I never wanted to become Etoilé!" she thought Shizuma knew that "And … I am not fit to be Etoilé!" she threw her arms wide "I do not have the right…"

"See, you and Tamao look pretty good together" Shizuma said uncharacteristically "so you should listen to Miyuki and enter the Etoilé election" Nagisa couldn't believe her ears "you will surely become a great Etoilé"

"No! I don't want that!" Nagisa gasped desperately as she ran up the stone steps towards Shizuma "I cannot ignore my true feelings and enter!!!" Shizuma had a small smile on her lips, which only confused Nagisa more "If I did that … then Tamao-chan…No not just Tamao-chan, everyone from Miator, Lulim and Spica … I'd deceive them all!" Nagisa watched as Shizuma's smile disappeared. Nagisa clasped her hands together "I…I just want Etoilé-sama to say that one thing to me, 'don't enter the competition' I wouldn't care if it was a lie!" Shizuma was startled when Nagisa looked up to face her eye-to-eye. The pearly tears glistened in Nagisa's eyes. "Because … about Etoilé-sama…I'm still in…"

"Thank you" Shizuma cut across Nagisa's distraught rambling. "I'm very honoured" she tilted her head slightly "So, about the key"

Nagisa was caught off-guard "huh?"

"Do you still have it?"

"Sorry" Nagisa rummaged around in her pockets "I wanted to give it back to you as soon as I returned from the vacation home, but I never got the chance to" she extracted the key and gazed at it in her palm. She couldn't seem to hand it over. Not yet. Her gaze drifted from the key up to Shizuma's upset features. Suddenly Shizuma closed the distance between them, her hands on Nagisa's shoulders.

As Shizuma leant in as if to kiss her lips Nagisa murmured "Shizuma-sama…"

The kiss to her forehead was final, and heart-wrenching as was the word Shizuma uttered next "farewell" Shizuma drew back slightly remorse flooding her eyes "you should just forget about me" Nagisa gasped and dropped her head. She allowed Shizuma to gently take the key from her palm, her fingers still curled in the chain. Shizuma felt her heart breaking as she saw Nagisa's body shaking as she tried to suppress her tears. One of these dreaded tears however finally fell onto Shizuma's hand. That is when she realised the extent to the damage that had to be done. "Nagisa…" Nagisa released the chain attached to the key and quickly turned on her heel and ran down the stone steps. Shizuma watched as Nagisa ran out of the greenhouse, covering her face so that she could hide her tears from Shizuma, her sobs ringing out across the glass dome. Shizuma felt her heart shatter inside her. Her arm suddenly felt like lead as she let it drop to her side. The golden key fell out of her grasp and clattered on the concrete ground. Her body began to shake as hot tears tingled within her eyes. Her lips trembled. "Nagisa …"

Nagisa soon found herself staring into the dark depths of the lake. She didn't want to cry. Her body shook as memories flooded through her mind.

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest

"W-why … Shizuma-sama … w-why … was I not g-good enough f-for you?" she sobbed into the darkness.

Or the girl who never wants to be alone

Chikaru stopped on the edge of the forest and felt her heart collapse. Nagisa was crying beside the lake, the tears rippling the surface. "Nagisa-chan?" Nagisa spun around her tear tracks glistening in the moonlight.

"Chikaru-chan!" Nagisa collapsed against Chikaru's body, sobbing against her chest. Chikaru sniffed and stroked Nagisa's hair and nestled down against a tree, Nagisa in her lap.

I don't want to be that call at four o'clock in the morning

'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Tamao was worried about Nagisa. She had disappeared late last night and hadn't been sighted by anyone, anywhere. Her nerves were in shreds. Meanwhile down the corridor Shizuma was worrying herself into hysteria. Just because she wasn't showing her emotions didn't mean that she wasn't a nervous wreck inside. Miyuki has informed her that Nagisa hadn't been seen since she had left the greenhouse at half ten the previous night.

_Aahh, the sun is blinding_

_I stayed up again_

_Oohh, I am finding_

_that's not the way I want my story to end_

Shizuma blinked against the rising sun as she stared out of her window, keeping a sharp lookout for Nagisa and wondering what was to become of herself and the younger gir who she loved so muchl.

_I'm safe_

_Up high_

_Nothing can touch me_

_But why do I feel this party's over?_

_No pain_

_Inside_

_You're my protection_

_But how do I feel this good sober?_

As soon as Nagisa was left to her own devices she broke down in a fit of uncontrollable sobs that made her chest grow tight and painful. She curled up in a tiny ball on her bed and sobbed herself hoarse.

_I don't want to be the girl who has to fill the silence...  
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth_

_Please don't tell me that we had that conversation  
when I won't remember, save your breath, 'cause what's the use?_

Nagisa could literally hear Shizuma's soft, sexy voice float into her ears as the quiet descended like a heavy blanket around her. She shuddered as the conversation from the night before replayed in her head. She shook her head of auburn hair. She covered her hands over her ears "No … Shizuma-sama … No!"

_Aahh, the night is calling  
and it whispers to me softly, "come and play"  
Aahh, I am falling  
and if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame_

Nagisa locked the bedroom door keeping Tamao-chan out in the hallway. "Nagisa-chan!" Tamao cried banging on the door "Nagisa-chan please open the door!"

"Go away Tamao-chan" Nagisa hissed under her breath she reached beneath her pillow and drew out a small bottle of tequila and unscrewed the metal lid. She pursed her lips to the brim and took a swig hissing as the alcohol stung her sore, dry throat. "Shizuma … I cannot lie to myself anymore … I may not be able to tell you …" she took a long deep swig of tequila "…but I can always remind myself … of just how much … I love you …"

_I'm coming down_

_Coming down_

_Coming down_

_Spinning round_

_Spinning round_

_Spinning round_

_Looking for myself… Sober_

Shizuma stood half-slouched in the dark against the wall by her bed as she stared out into the once again dark night sky dotted with stars. However she couldn't see the stars. She swayed from side-to-side as she grasped a vodka bottle in her left hand. It had about three mouthfuls left. It had been completely full when she returned the night before. Her mind was reeling in circles. "How could I say those things to Nagisa-chan? Those mean hurtful dishonest things? I thought I had stopped lying to myself and hurting those I love…clearly not"

_I'm coming down_

_Coming down_

_Coming down_

_Spinning round_

_Spinning round_

_Spinning round_

_Looking for myself… Sober_

Miyuki opened the door to Shizuma's room and drew in a sharp breath as the foul stench of vodka hit her nostrils like a throng of needles. She shook her head at the sight of Shizuma's room; the torn pillows, coats of feathers strewn everywhere, the broken windowpane with the key-chain hanging on a jagged shard. "You're worse than the last time," she snapped under her breath. She nudged Shizuma awake. "Shizuma!!!"

Shizuma turned to her side her bloodshot eyes wide "what do you want Miyuki?"

"What happened?"

"And here I was thinking you were going to lecture me about not doing my duties" Shizuma groaned resting her head on her drawn-up knees.

"Yes that will come later, but for now, what did you do to Nagisa-chan?"

"Exactly what you told me to do" Shizuma looked up at Miyuki her exhausted eyes crying out her depression "I let her go"

Shizuma began to cry hysterically into her pillows. That's when Miyuki decided she should take her leave. Before she closed the bedroom door she turned back to her friend, "I'm sorry … Shizuma"

_When it's good, then it's good, it's so good, 'till it goes bad  
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had  
I have heard myself cry  
Never again  
Broken down in agony  
And just trying to find a friend_

Tamao finally managed to get a spare key to her dorm and jammed it into the lock. She twisted it countless times then …

**SNAP!!!**

She stared on in horror as the metal teeth of the key clattered to the floor at her feet as it fell out of the lock. It had snapped in half! She resumed pounding on the door with both her fists "NAGISA-CH-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N!!!"

Nagisa finally felt the rest of her hangover die away. She was grateful partially because now she could think more clearly. She was not willing to enter the Etoilé competition with Tamao-chan, especially when it meant deceiving Lulim, Spica and worst of all … Miator. She couldn't do that to everyone. She couldn't lie to the people who had taken her in, in her time of need. She shook her head and rubbed her temples. Then why did she feel somewhat positive about entering the competition? Isn't she the one who told Shizuma-sama that she had no interest whatsoever in becoming Etoilé? In all fairness she didn't care about becoming Etoilé. She only wanted to be with Shizuma-sama. That's when it came to her. "I'll go in the Etoilé elections and then I'll prove how much I love Shizuma-sama to all of Astrae Hill!!!"

_I'm safe  
up high  
nothing can touch me  
but why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain  
Inside  
You're like perfection  
But how do I feel this good sober?_

Shizuma had been locked in her room all day. Crying. Always crying. She barely seemed to realise her hangover had passed due to the fact that she had a throbbing headache due to her continuous crying. She stroked her hair from her face as her lips began to tremble again. "…Nagisa…" How could she have forced Nagisa away like that? How could she have closed her heart to the one person she really loved? She never thought she could do that…ever. She had done this for Miyuki…for Miator…for all three schools of Astrae Hill. Then why did it make her feel so disgusting? "Because you love her so dearly, that's why" she mouthed the words soundlessly to the empty room before her.

_  
I'm safe  
up high  
nothing can touch me  
but why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain  
Inside  
You're like perfection  
But how do I feel this good sober?_

Nagisa smothered her faced with her hands the faint smell of tequila lingering on her fingertips. It was intoxicating. She knew she couldn't enter the competition with Tamao-chan and break _her _heart by declaring her love for Shizuma. Maybe she could just hope for all Astrae Hill that Shizuma would make her decision; Astrae Hill or Nagisa herself. She was so confused over how complicated her life had become. Her mind was reeling. She had no answers, no resolution no choice. She felt worse when she was drunk though. When she was drunk everything was a disfunctional blur of hysteria. Now that she was soer she could replay last night's events with a slighly lighter heart, even though it still felt like a dagger plunging deep down within her fragile heart. "How do I feel this good sober?"

_**THE END.**_

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SEQUEL TO "SOBER" WILL BE UP SHORTLY. THE NAME OF THE SEQUEL SO FAR IS "I CAN'T HATE YOU ANYMORE"

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